Wants

I was really struggling with something yesterday. Over the weekend I went shopping for more sheets and a duvet cover. I could not decide. I have expensive taste and cannot bring myself to buy something "cheap" when I've already fallen in love with something expensive. Here is what I fell in love with.

I think it's so pretty. My friend and I are going to attempt making beautiful headboards in the spring. And I wanted to paint my room a nice brown colour and get new baseboards and new curtains (currently, we have our old curtains pinned to the wall and one is sideways and inside out, so it's sun bleached side is showing). Then we could get some new side tables and a new chest-of-drawers. In my mind, it was the most beautiful room in the house.

Then I started feeling guilty. Why does my room have to be the nicest room in the house? No one will see it except Trevor and I. We don't have the best reputation for keeping our room clean, and we rarely make the bed. And then I think maybe if we had nice things, we'd want to keep our room clean. But I don't think that would happen. It all just makes me sad because I want it, but I know that for us, it's just a waste. Which is good for me. Usually if there's something like that I want I just buy it and don't think about it. So it was good for me to go through this process. I'm still feeling a little down.. but I'll get over it.

Side note.. I've been thinking about the whole healing thing and I'm almost ready to make a post.