Growing

Just to let you know, God really pulled me through this weekend. I was at peace and able to worship in the way I know God would want me to.

God really worked in me last week, and for that I'm grateful. I never want to look back on my life and realized that I was the same from beginning to end. I want God to be ever working in me, growing me and stretching me. I know it won't always be comfortable, but I know that He'll see me through it.

Healing

Trevor and I had a really good discussion on Healing the other night. It was heated (because, again, I'm passionate about what I believe) but neither of us were mad at the end, nor did we have hurt feelings. So good for us! We're growing up!

Trevor and I believe different things when it comes to this subject.. and a few others. We were both taught differently. I have revisited some subjects this year and found out that I still agree with what I was taught, and what I believe. Trevor has admitted that he hasn't revisited his beliefs, but mostly because they still make sense to him. It's not my intent to change his beliefs, but if we can challenge each other to grow in our faith, than my work will be done. And if we both discover the truth along the way.. even better. My goal is to always find the truth. I have asked God to show me the truth on many occasions. My first instinct is to believe the thoughts in my head, no matter what they are. I have learned to stop that, most of the time, and try and find the truth. I know it's there, and I know God will give it to me if I ask.

If any one has comments on healing, I would appreciate that. I may blog in more detail what I believe on the subject, but don't feel like I have the brainpower right now.

Praise the Lord

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.
Psalm 28:7

Praise ye the LORD. O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.
Psalm 106:1

I just learned that the test I was worried about for tomorrow is not happening. Their machine is broken and they don't even have the part for it. So all I have to do tomorrow is an ultrasound. Praise the Lord!

Fear Not, For I Am With You

I have some tests on Wednesday that I'm not looking forward to. And I've been allowing myself to think negative thoughts when I know I shouldn't be.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:7

That is a verse tailor made for me.

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Philippians 4:13

I pray that God's glory will be shown through my life. That no matter what happens, it will all be for the glory of God!

Fear vs Faith

Wow, lots has been going on since I last posted. My parents arrived shortly after Kakes left. As did my stomach ache. I got really sick again last Monday and went to my doctor to get my other test results. Everything was good so he ordered a urea breath test and put me on some acid reducers for the week. Tomorrow I'll go get those results, but am hoping that I don't have to go on antibiotics. I've been feeling much better since Saturday! Praise the Lord!! My throat is still sore, but my stomach has been much better.

Yesterday in church I had an episode, but am doing much better today. I am still really dealing with fear issues and would appreciate prayer. Since yesterday I have realized a lot of things, but am still having a little trouble, as would be expected. I know God doesn't just take everything away the minute we ask, lest we become spoiled. But I'm having a hard time here. Anyway, I don't want to re hatch everything I've already gone through in my mind. So I won't.

Be content

After being sick all week I've started to get into cleaning mode for our guests. I have an old youth leader of mine who I haven't seen in probably 10 years and who has been in Africa working with SP for a year coming to see us next week. And then a few days later my parents will be arriving. I'm starting to get excited and nervous and wanting my house to be perfect. I really want to go rack up a credit card bill and get a new bed, although I am at peace with not having a new one for my guests, doors for my bookshelves, sod for the front lawn (it's not as nice as I thought it would be). I know this is not the answer. And I know that everyone will accept me and my house as it is, but there's something in me that wants it to be perfect. Since we are trying hard not to put anything on our credit cards, it's really hard for me to not buy this and that that would make me feel better about my house.

Then I just have to shake my head and be happy that I have a house. It doesn't have to be perfect. And I could spend $10000 and still be wishing I had a bigger kitchen or that the basement was redone. It's not going to happen.

Here's what's important. God is working in my life. He cares about me. This past week with being sick and mentally attacked I felt like I was in a valley. Not a memorable one, but a valley none-the-less. Then Saturday morning I wake up and am starting to feel better and God gives me a huge blessing through someone that is constantly letting God use her to bless others. I know it was God because I hadn't even talk to this person about a want that I had and wasn't able to fill on my own. I cried for 10 minutes. Just knowing that God loves me that much that he cares about the things that I care about.

Another huge answered prayer is that the girls haven't had a hive in months. This is something that has constantly been in my prayers. I've had fears over their spots, but they haven't had any real reactions. Praise the Lord for He is good! His love indures forever!

Blessings

Life as I know it is about to get busier. Today Rebecca climbed up onto the couch. More than once. I just have to be by her no matter where she goes. She's turning into such a little stinker. She hasn't stepped out yet, but I think she's saving it until Grandma and Grandpa come. She crawls up to me and uses me to stand up and then just stands there holding onto nothing. So cool!

Trevor and have been under a lot of mental attacks in the last couple of days. I'm really praying that God uses this to strengthen our faith. I can already see God working in Trevor and it makes me so happy. It makes everything we're going through worth it. God is so good!

I can't believe what a big girl Brooklyn is turning into. It's just so awesome to see. She is no longer a baby or even a toddler but she's a little girl!

Samantha is getting so big as well. She's saying sentences and growing up so fast.

I am so thankful for my family! I am so blessed to have three beautiful little girls, a loving husband and a wonderful home. I'm so thankful that we're all healthy and that I know God is taking care of us.

I listened to a song called "Who am I" by Casting Crowns today on Youtube. It's a really good one. Made me cry. Listen also to "Voice of Truth". That's a great one!

Just a thought

Today in church we sang a song called Hosanna. There's a line that says, "Break my heart for what breaks Yours" and I haven't been able to get it out of my head all day. What would it feel like to have a heart like God? I guess it sort of means to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. But that seems really simplified. I want to love as passionately as God does. I want anyone to be able to look into my eyes and see love. I want them to know that I have a heart like God and that I love them. Maybe they won't know exactly what it is that they see, but I want them to see Jesus. I want to be so filled of Him that I'm bursting at the seams.

Send up a prayer

Trevor has been quite stressed these past few weeks. He's usually able to leave work at work and not let stuff bother him. Right now he's struggling to do that. And it looks like the stresses are going to continue for a while. I can't explain everything in this blog. But I have some prayer requests.
Pray that...

• God will show Trevor His will so that he will know without a doubt what God's will is for his work life
• Trevor will be able to relieve his stresses in a healthy way so that he won't get sick
• Trevor will be able to leave his stresses at work and not have to worry about things when he gets home
• Trevor will quickly learn the new things he has to do so that he has less frustrations
• God will keep our relationship strong and not let anything come between us

I thank you in advance for your prayers. I really feel like God is working in our lives and I know that He will work everything together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Rom. 8:28).

Our weekend

On Saturday we finally got enough gumption to have some top soil delivered. We got 4 1/2 yards. My MIL took all three girls for the first time so that I could actually work outside too. It was wonderful! I am still sore, but it feels good. We got most of the front yard leveled out. It was really unlevel. Now it's starting to look better. I can't wait to get the sidewalk blocks down and seed.

Yesterday Trevor went to his cousin's church because his cousin was preaching. The girls and I decided not to go since it's a small church and I would have had to stay in the nursery the whole time anyway. In the afternoon we went swimming with my brother and SIL. It was great! We haven't taken the girls to a big pool for a long time and they loved it. The girls don't know how to keep their mouths closed when they hit the water so it's a stressful and possibly worrisome time for me. I was able, though God's help, to over come my fear during out time there and was able to enjoy myself. Now, I don't mean I've totally over come it, just for that time. Because I know next time I'll be scared again. But, I'll take the little victory I had yesterday. The girls had an amazing time. Samantha had a perm-a-grin the whole time.

That was our weekend. I was exhausted every night. So for this week, we have to finish leveling the top soil, get some sand, or rock and lay the sidewalk, and seed the lawn. Boy I wish my Dad was still here. Trevor was wondering why Dad wasn't here on Saturday when we got the dirt. And then last night he said to me, "Tell you're parents to move here". We were watching the football game and it would have been nice if Dad could have watched with us. Brooklyn keeps asking when Grandma and Grandpa are coming. I think she's looking forward to it. But not as much as I am.

This is dedicated to the one I love

I have the most wonderful husband in the world, so I feel the need to brag for a moment. Not only did he let me stay at my parents house without him, he cleaned the whole house from top to bottom before I got back. Here is a list of things he did.

• washed the dishes
• wiped the counter
• washed the floors by hand
• washed all the cupboard doors and appliances
• cleaned the main floor bathroom
• vacuumed all the floors
• washed the walls
• cleaned and vacuumed the upstairs hall
• cleaned and vacuumed our bedroom
• cleaned the bathroom upstairs (including the tub and shower)
• cleaned off the desk
• vacuumed the living/playroom
• cleaned the back entrance

Not only did he do all this, but he wants to send me to the spa. And, he's taking me on the riverboat in the near future. God blessed me with a great husband, and I just needed to acknowledge it.

Praise the Lord

I will get to our trip when I have a minute, but right now I need to tell you about what happened the other day. On Sunday the 6th around 12pm I was putting my cross necklace on and Brooklyn started asking me about it. I told her that to me, it means that I'm a Christian and that Jesus lives in my heart. We contiuned on this conversation for a minute and I almost walked away from it, but I felt a leading from the Holy Spirit to contiune on with it. So, as we talked about what it meant to have Jesus in your heart and I told her that if she wanted to pray with me, that Jesus would come into her heart. She wanted to, and it was amazing. I never knew how it would feel. I cried. Grandma sort of over heard our conversation and I'm pretty sure she teared up too.

This, That and The Other Thing

I've got a lot on my mind today, so maybe it will all come out, and maybe not. I never do know until I'm done posting.

First of all, I have two babies in my life right now. My baby parsley! And my baby grass! Both has finally started sprouting and I'm so excited! I bought a little bag of italian parsley seeds that came with dirt and everything. And you could plant it right in the bag it came in. So I did that, and they finally started sprouting a few days ago and now almost all of the seeds have sprouted. And the grass has finally started coming up. I research some and found out that it can take anywhere from 5-30 days for grass seeds to sprout, depending on the type of grass. It looked like fescue, the type that grows in the shade, comes up as one of the first, so that's where I started looking. In the shade. So exciting!

Also, did you hear about the fact that the liberals are trying to make it a criminal offense for a parent, or caregiver to spank a child. What?!? Do they have any idea what this will do? Look at the consequences of taking God out of schools? Now they're going to take away our God given right to discipline our children as we see fit?
Proverbs 13:24 says He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines diligently and punishes him early.
Do they think a nice "time out" is going to make kids listen? I will say that taking away a toy or privilage does work, but only at a certain age. When the Brooklyn doesn't listen, she responds very well to taking away a toy for a time. But Samantha couldn't care less. It also has to do with her will. Samantha has a very strong will and will fight the whole way along. While Brooklyn is a people pleaser. Samantha responds much more to spanking.

Well, I'm off to read Green Eggs and Ham to Brooklyn. It has a lot of nice memories for me as well. I remember getting my Green Eggs and Ham book when I was little. We were at my aunties house, and I think it was a gift from them. It also had a cassette tape that read the book to you. And now it's one of Brooklyn's favorites. So cool.

Praise You in this Storm

I had this image in my mind while I was trying to fall asleep. I feel like I'm in a boat. Each hive that appears on the girls is like a huge wave threatening to toss me overboard. I call out to God to save me, "Lord, save me". He replies, "You of little faith, why are you so afriad?" So far, he hasn't taken my storm. I know He has a reason, but I don't understand. It reminds me of the first few lines of Praise You In This Storm, by Casting Crowns.

I was sure by now, that You would have reached down, and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen and it's still raining. As the thunder rolls, I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I'm with you". And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives, and takes away.

Right now, I can feel God's peace. I know He is with me. But when I'm in the midst of my storms, which is my fear of the girls' allergies, I have a hard time seeing past them to God's safety. I try every day to give them to God. I know that I have to do it everyday. It's not just a one time dedication. For me, it's everyday. I know that God works for the good who love Him and are called according to His purpose. I know that every breath I take is a gift. My days are already numbered. The life of my girls is already set out before them, I just have to pray that they will follow God and submit their lives to Him. It's so hard for me to take my focus off of their allergies, but as I type this, I see that I have to do just that. They are in God's hands. All I can do is pray for them and teach them by showing them how to live for Him. Teach them His ways. When I was getting up early, and praying for them, especially for their health and healing, I didn't worry about it all day. I would give it to Him in the morning and be free of it. I started again today. So, as I continue to pray and give my girls to God everyday, I know that I will be free of that fear. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drive out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

So, if there's anything I need, it's prayer. I've been having a hard time getting up before the girls and spending time with God. I did it today, but I don't know if I will have the strength tomorrow. I also need to get to sleep earlier, so that I'm not so tired in the morning. Something that I really know what God is that I had a horrible sleep last night, and at 8 when I woke up, I was able to get up. God gave me the strength. I have no doubt about that. Also, pray for my faith. That it would remain strong and that God would really work in me, especially when I take the time to seek Him.

Die To Self

The Bible verse on our desk top today is Psalm 73:26.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

When I think about this verse, I really wonder why I've been following the flesh all these years. I have been following God. But have I really put Him first? Am I really doing all that He's asked me to do? I know for sure that both questions are a "no". He's never ask anything impossible of me. Why does it seem impossible?

Something my SIL said has stuck with me for a few weeks. Someone said they "wanted" something and for some reason that started some people saying something that they wanted, myself included. Then, my SIL said, "I want to not want". I'm sure as she said it she didn't expect to impact anyone, but she did. That's what I want too! I'm so tired of thinking of all the things I want and not getting them. These are not needs that I'm talking about, I have everything I need, and more. That's the point. Why can't I look at what I have and be thankful to God for everything! I know he cares about what I want, but I'm sure he gets tired of hearing all of our "wants" when we have so much. I want to look at my life and see how blessed I am. See everything I have, instead of everything I "want".

Lord, show me how to not "want".