Philippians 1:6

I feel like my life was just flipped upside down. In a good way. A couple days ago, I watched the video below... Now I'm reading this.

I can't believe how wrong I've had it. After being a "Christian" for nearly my whole life!

I guess it started a couple weeks ago in church, our pastor preached on Christian Atheism. How people believe there is a God, but live like he isn't there. How what is really missing in most people's lives is a fear of God. I started to wonder if I had that fear. I have a lot of other fears, but do I really fear God? I'd have to honestly say, probably not. I know I've had some changes in my life and I believe that God has worked in me, but I don't think I was really fearful of Him.

Since then, I've been asking God to touch my life so that I will be forever "ruined" (Isaiah 6:5) and will never be the same. My sister-in-law started this group with her friends on FB where we girls can share what we've been learning in our quiet times, and just be accountable to each other. One of her friends, whom I would have never met otherwise, posted this video, the one below, and it really shook me. I really haven't know what has been going on in my spirit since I watched it. I knew it was something big. I just couldn't verbalize it. And I'm still having problems, so I apologize if this jumps all over the place.

Yesterday I started reading the downloadable book that I linked earlier and my spirit and heart and head were doing flip flops. I was struggling within myself to understand where God was taking me with this and was I ever really going to get it? And then, about an hour ago... God touched me. I have struggled with feelings of "I've never done anything really bad, and I'm decent to look at, so there must be some good in me". But the Bible tells us that apart from God, we can do no good. (Romans 3:12) At the end of Chapter 9 it asks us

"What areas in your life do you still feel have worth? Embrace the cross and allow Christ

to crucify thesWhat areas in your life do you still feel have worth? Embrace the cross and allow Christ

to crucify these things. "

I spoke to God about what was in my heart and still didn't really feel any change. But as I continued to read, God showed me the truth. He showed me the truth about being baptized. I was told, a couple years ago, that we need to be baptized in the spirit, and this is a different baptism than that of water, and that you will know you received the Holy Spirit because you will speak in tongues, immediately. This didn't sit right with my spirit and I have struggled with this line of thought since then. But NOW I KNOW!!! THANK YOU JESUS! God gave me understanding and I am so thankful! God showed me that I am nothing without him, and he gave me an awe of him that I don't remember having before.

I haven't finished reading this book yet, so hopefully I'll have more to say when I'm done!